


A Weak Moment

by littlewonder



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: M/M, Sensuality, Wangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 03:57:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15234804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlewonder/pseuds/littlewonder
Summary: Garak, having barely first met Julian Bashir, is already enamoured by him. In a fit of self-hatred, he indulges in a little fantasy.





	A Weak Moment

"Bashir…" Garak mumbled aloud to the mirror in his quarters.

 _No, that's not quite right_.

"Julian…" he tried again.

_No, no, try again. Still too intimate. Control yourself, Elim._

"Doctor… my dear doctor… oh, that works…"

He continued stripping the clothes from his body, taking in his wretched old frame. It was his body. One, surely, Julian could not love.

Julian's expressive face during their lunches together swam before his mind. So eager, so content to be in his presence. No, perhaps the person who could not stand the man in the mirror was Garak himself. Too dominated by the demons of the past. Especially Tain.

Garak fought that particularly virulent thought.

For a moment, he allowed himself the indulgence that Julian loved him, that he wanted to touch him… even that he trusted him, though he didn't deserve such loyalty. He let his hands rove over his exposed body, imagining they were Julian's hands. That they would touch a Cardassian, let alone _this_ Cardassian.

He fondled the scales at his neck, and they eventually thickened and darkened at his touch. He explored his chest. He drifted down…

…And eventually moved his hands to the side to release his tail from his pants. He stroked it as he would've another appendage.

He closed his eyes, repeating that new nickname all the while.

This could not get away with him. He could never be with the dear doctor. Even if Julian were capable of loving him, even if Garak found it difficult to live if ever he were parted from him… this could not go on. He could not allow himself to become this intimate with Dr Julian Bashir.

It was impossible. It was too dangerous.

The sensations in his body reached a precipice. He was careful, very careful, to remain in control, but his senses were too heightened now, and he felt them wrack his body with pleasure, of a sort.

But he could not bring himself over the edge. He could not find satisfaction, could not resolve these sensations… much like his relationship with the doctor.

There was power in a name. He could feel the pull now, the urge to say it. If he could just resolve this tension…

He decided to try it. Just once. He had to at least try.

"Julian…" he said.

A terrible, wonderful sensitivity wracked his body at the spoken name. It shivered through his body, finally delivering him his resolution.

Already he regretted saying the name aloud, however. It had only made the longing worse.

He could never say it again.


End file.
